Take A Ride On My Doggie, Please

by admin on November 18, 2009

Bert the Wonder Dog (we’d would wonder whether he had brain matter) did have one useful purpose – defending our humble sandbox from the likes of the nefarious neighborhood kitties who would sneak over to our yard and use our sandbox as their personal commode. Word had spread throughout the kitty kingdom that we had the best and biggest kitty litter box in the world and sometimes the line to use it would wind around the hedge.

Enter Bert the Wonder Dog, who became quite adept at chasing those kitties to kingdom come. Bert would trot back to the house so smug and macho that we began to call him “The Commode Commander” and “Kitty Killer” even though we knew that Bert was a major wimp and wouldn’t know what to do with a cat if he caught it.

One day, a new kitty showed up. He was small and white, rather innocent and timid looking but his looks belied his true nature. Unbeknownst to us, the neighborhood cats had called in their hired gun – a trained Ninja assassin kitty – to get Bert.

Bert flew out of the house like a bullet, intent on scaring that new kitty to death. Ninja Kitty, however, had a different game plan – he stood his ground. Bert, when he realized that the Ninja Kitty was not running away in terror of him, slammed on the brakes and nearly broke his neck trying to stop. What then ensued was a classic staredown until Bert finally broke the tension by doing a spastic, nervous jig. The air fairly crackled with electricity as Ninja Kitty raised his hackles and spit out in cat language. Suddenly, Ninja Kitty launched himself at Bert with all four legs extended and claws unsheathed and landed squarely on Bert’s back. Ninja Kitty dug his claws in as Bert screamed bloody murder. To his supreme horror, Bert realized that Ninja Kitty was not letting go. Foregoing any semblance of macho dogness, Bert ran screaming down the hill with his mouth wide open and into the house with the Ninja Kitty riding him like a tiny white jockey for most of the way. Eyewitnesses later reported that the Ninja Kitty was heard to be yelling, “BANZAI!”, and, “TORA! TORA! TORA!”, during the wild ride.

After that incident, Bert no longer has a taste for chasing kitties out of the yard and regressed back to the super wimp that he had been before. And the kitties laughed all the way to the sandbox.

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